You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
