threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
