Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
