I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
