Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
