You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
