No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
