Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
