No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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