; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
