Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
