He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
