take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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