I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
