last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
