I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Four minutes until I can fart!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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