I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Randomize
