i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
