the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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