talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
