Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
