If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
