have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
