Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
