You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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