youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
