And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
