i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
