I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
