i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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