U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
