I puked a lego.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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