Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
