chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
