They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
