I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
