Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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