My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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