I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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