I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
