What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize