i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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