it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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