I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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