can we get nightvision for the apartment?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize