did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i think im in europe. pls send help
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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