So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have fence marks all over my body
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
