help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
