he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
