i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can I color on your dick again?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
