What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
