"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
