i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
