I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
