My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
