I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
