i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize