I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
