I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
