Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
