he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i've created a new STD.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize