Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
