why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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