I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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