I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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