I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
